EP 353 – The Missing Logic that Leaders Don’t See - The Power of “Both/And” – with Guests Dr. Tracy Christopherson & Michelle Troseth

Tracy Christopherson & Michelle Troseth - Paper Napkin Wisdom - The Missing Logic that Leaders Don’t See - The Power of “Both/And”

There are some conversations that don’t just give you an idea… they give you a lens. 

A way of seeing the world that, once you have it, you can’t unsee it. 

That’s exactly what happened in my conversation with Dr. Tracy Christopherson and Michelle Troseth. 

These two have been working together for over 40 years—starting in healthcare as clinicians and evolving into leaders, consultants, and co-authors of Polarity Intelligence: The Missing Logic in Leadership. Their work has taken them across North America, helping organizations transform how they operate, lead, and sustain change. 

But what struck me most wasn’t just their experience. 

It was the simplicity of the idea they brought… and the depth of impact it carries. 

Because what they shared isn’t just a leadership tool. 

It’s a fundamental shift in how we think. 

The Napkin That Changes the Conversation 

At first glance, the napkin looks simple. 

Four quadrants. 

• Decisive, effective choices  

• Virtuous cycle toward greater purpose  

• Indecisive, unable to solve problems  

• Vicious cycles of polarization and power struggles  

And right in the middle of it all… 

OR vs AND 

And that’s where everything changes. 

The Mistake Most Leaders Don’t Know They’re Making 

We’re trained to solve problems. 

Pick the best option. Make the call. Move forward. 

That’s leadership… right? 

But Tracy and Michelle walked through something that most leaders experience without ever naming it: 

You solve something… It works… And then it comes back. 

Again. 

And again. 

And again. 

They saw this pattern across healthcare organizations everywhere. Progress would happen—but it wouldn’t last. 

And the reason? 

They weren’t dealing with problems. 

They were dealing with polarities. 

Problems vs Polarities 

This distinction is everything. 

A problem: 

• Has a solution  

• Has an endpoint  

• Requires a choice  

A polarity: 

• Has no final solution  

• Is ongoing  

• Requires balance  

As Tracy shared: 

“Polarities are ongoing… they never end.”  

And when you treat a polarity like a problem… 

You create a cycle. 

The Vicious Cycle Leaders Get Stuck In 

Here’s what it looks like: 

You over-focus on one side. 

You experience the downside. 

You swing to the other side. 

You experience that downside. 

And now you’re stuck in a loop. 

Think about: 

• Structure vs flexibility  

• Speed vs quality  

• Hierarchy vs collaboration  

Organizations don’t fail because they pick the wrong one. 

They fail because they over-pick one… and ignore the other. 

The Breakthrough: Both/And Thinking 

This is where the napkin comes alive. 

Instead of asking: 

Which one is right? 

You ask: 

How do we get the best of both? 

Michelle captured it perfectly with one of the most powerful metaphors in the conversation: 

“You don’t wake up and say, I’m just going to inhale today… you need both inhale and exhale to live.”  

That’s polarity. 

Not a choice. 

A system. 

True… and Incomplete 

One of my favorite moments in the conversation was this realization: 

Every perspective is true… and incomplete. 

That changes how you lead. 

Because now: 

• You don’t dismiss opposing views  

• You don’t rush to resolution  

• You don’t shut down tension  

Instead… 

You get curious. 

You expand the picture. 

You build something better. 

Why This Is Hard (But Necessary) 

Here’s the challenge. 

Tension feels like conflict. 

And conflict feels unsafe. 

So what do most leaders do? 

They avoid it. 

They rush it. 

They simplify it. 

But in doing that… 

They destroy the very thing that creates sustainable success. 

Because polarity requires: 

• Dialogue, not debate  

• Curiosity, not certainty  

• Integration, not domination  

The Role of Safety in Leadership 

If there’s one leadership responsibility that stands out in this conversation, it’s this: 

Create safety for tension. 

Because without it: 

• People stay silent  

• Resistance builds  

• Execution fails  

Tracy said it best: 

“We’re not really listening… we’re thinking about what we’re going to say next.”  

That’s not dialogue. 

That’s noise. 

Living the Work (Not Just Teaching It) 

What makes this conversation even more powerful is that Tracy and Michelle don’t just teach polarity… 

They live it. 

They are, in their own words: 

“Total opposites.” 

• One leans toward productivity and structure  

• The other toward relationships and connection  

And early in their business, that created tension. 

Real tension. 

But over time, they realized something critical: 

The difference wasn’t the problem It was the advantage 

Michelle shared: 

“You’ve got to do stuff you don’t like… because it matters to the bigger purpose.”  

That’s leadership. 

From Balance to Flow 

One of the biggest misconceptions we have is that balance means 50/50. 

It doesn’t. 

Polarity is about flow. 

Sometimes one side needs more attention. 

Sometimes the other does. 

But you never abandon either. 

You stay in motion. 

You stay aware. 

You stay intentional. 

5 Key Takeaways 

1. Not Everything Is a Problem 

Some challenges are ongoing tensions—not things to “fix.” 

Take Action: Identify one recurring issue in your business. Ask: Is this actually a polarity? 

2. Every Perspective Is True… and Incomplete 

Your view is valid—but it’s not the whole picture. 

Take Action: In your next disagreement, ask: What might I be missing here? 

3. Either/Or Thinking Creates Cycles 

Both/And thinking creates sustainability. 

Take Action: Take one tension (e.g., speed vs quality) and define how you can win both. 

4. Tension Is a Signal—Not a Problem 

It’s pointing to something that needs to be balanced. 

Take Action: Instead of resolving tension quickly, explore it with your team. 

5. Leadership Is About Flow, Not Balance 

It’s dynamic, not static. 

Take Action: Where are you over-focused right now? Take one step toward the other side. 

Final Thought 

What if the thing you’ve been trying to solve… 

…was never meant to be solved? 

What if it was meant to be understood… balanced… and led? 

Take a moment. 

Write your tension on a napkin. 

And instead of choosing… 

Ask yourself: How do I win both? 

Learn More About Tracy & Michelle 

Website: www.missinglogic.com Website: www.polarityintelligence.com 

LinkedIn: Dr. Tracy Christopherson https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracy-christopherson/  LinkedIn: Michelle Troseth https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelletroseth/  

Podcast: Burnout Proof Leadership Podcast https://www.missinglogic.com/burnout-proof-leadership  

📝 What’s your “both/and” right now? 

Write it down on a napkin. Share it. Live it. 

#PaperNapkinWisdom