How to Stop Feeling Inadequate and Lead From Your Strength: Fabiana Bacchini

Nov 1, 2013

4 min read

Updated: 2 days ago

Fabiana Bacchini's napkin reads, "The biggest fear is not that we are inadequate, is that we are powerful beyond measure." She loved the quote for years before she understood why. When she moved to Canada from Brazil, she had been a journalist in broadcasting for 10 years. Here she could not get a job. She was embarrassed by her accent and felt totally inadequate. Over time, and through some of the hardest experiences a parent can face, she found her power again. She became an entrepreneur and life coach who works to empower immigrant women. Her lesson for founders and leaders is practical. The feeling of inadequacy will show up. You can challenge it on purpose, every day, by choosing to focus on what is going right.

Inspired by Paper Napkin Wisdom Episode 5 with Fabiana Bacchini.

Why capable people feel inadequate

Growing up in Brazil, Fabiana looked up to North Americans. She saw them as the people who had it all figured out. Then she arrived in Canada with a strong career behind her and could not get a job. For years she struggled with her accent and was embarrassed to talk to people.

Nothing about her ability had changed. What changed was the story she told herself about it. That is worth noticing for anyone who has built something real and still hears a voice asking who they are to do the next thing.

Fabiana still hears that little voice. Her answer is the rest of the quote. Who am I not to be? Her reasoning was simple. Half of Canada's population is immigrants. Half the population has an accent. So who cares?

How to stay powerful when everything goes wrong

Fabiana's hardest test came during her second pregnancy. She was expecting twins. At 20 weeks the family learned that one baby had a heart defect and would not survive. She delivered at 26 weeks. One of the twins was born sleeping. The other was rushed into the NICU.

She told me the first three to four weeks were overwhelming, sad and chaotic. Then came a turning day. She decided this was her baby and she was taking him home. She held that picture in her mind moment by moment. It was 146 days before he came home.

The hospital, she said, was a fear based environment. The focus was on what could go wrong. When a doctor told her there was a 15% chance of a condition, she focused on the 85% chance that it would not happen. He did not have the condition now, so she would not live as if he did. Otherwise she would lose her power over the situation.

She was intentional about it. Every day was a choice.

Why helping others gives you strength

In the middle of all this, Fabiana found the strength to support other mothers in the unit. She saw parents focusing only on what was wrong with their babies. So she asked them different questions. What is right with your baby? Did one positive thing happen today? And what is the next step for tomorrow?

She noticed that supporting others gave her as much strength as fighting for her own son. Families spend many hours a day in intensive care. Even in that place, there are some good hours, and she encouraged parents to find them.

That pattern carries into her work now. She described a foundation she was creating to support families in the NICU, and a monthly group for women built around shared stories. Through sharing stories, she said, people see they are not alone.

What this looks like when sales are bad

I asked Fabiana how a leader would use this. Her answer was specific. Say sales this month are really bad. The usual reaction is panic and blame. Our reps don't do anything. Everyone complains.

She would look back instead. Were there three great months before this one? What happened then, and how do you make it happen again? Focus on what was working and move forward from there.

The same goes for your people. Nurture them and recognize what they are doing well, whatever the number on the board. That gives them the power to perform better. We agreed that this is leadership. The environment does not rule you. You rule the environment.

In her coaching work, she gave women a simple task for a strained relationship. Keep a gratitude journal and write three things you are grateful for every day. The relationship gets better because your attention moves to what is good. The same discipline works on a team.

How to apply this in your business this week

Start with the voice. When it tells you that you are not enough for the next step, answer it with Fabiana's question. Who am I not to be?

Next, pick the part of the business that worries you most. Write down what is going right there, and what was working the last time it went well. Plan the next step from that, not from the fear.

In your next team meeting, ask one person what went well for them this week before you ask about any problem. Recognize it out loud.

And for one week, write down three things you are grateful for about your team each day. Notice whether the way you lead shifts.

Fabiana's last word to listeners was to stay true to their heart. Life will hit you hard. You get to choose whether to see it as an obstacle or as an opportunity to grow.