How to Find Your Voice After Trauma with Neila Ramsingh

Mar 13, 2025

5 min read

Updated: 4 days ago

Many people have lost their voice. Trauma, cultural barriers and fear of what others will say keep them silent, and the silence gets heavier every year. Neila Ramsingh knows this from the inside. She was sexually assaulted by a family member at 8 and told no one. At 13 she attempted suicide. She lost her father at 15, became a mother at 17, lost her sister to suicide that same year, and was a widow at 20. For years she ran on what she calls robotic mode, working as a supervisor in Canada while nobody knew. Her napkin reads find your voice and speak your truth, your voice matters. What she found is not reserved for people in crisis. Anyone carrying old baggage into their work and relationships can use the same practice: notice it, write it out, let it go.

If you are feeling this way, you are not alone. In North America you can dial 988 to reach a crisis line.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSfooVnfWpM

Inspired by Paper Napkin Wisdom Episode 225 with Neila Ramsingh.

What happens when you carry a story you cannot tell

Neila grew up with a single dad, the youngest of three children. The family member who abused her told her nobody would believe her and that she would bring embarrassment to her family. So she stayed silent.

When she later tried to open up to someone she thought was a friend, they turned it back on her and called her selfish. That pushed her further in. She folded everything up and put it inside, a package of baggage she carried for years. As the years went by it got heavier.

She also wore a mask at work. She was a supervisor and kept going every day, and nobody knew what she was living with. I wonder how many leaders are doing the same thing right now. The role keeps moving. The person underneath it is carrying something nobody can see.

How one moment changed what she was living for

The turning point came in a store parking lot. Neila was buying clothes for her own funeral, so her children would not have to worry if she attempted suicide again. Sitting in her car, the world seemed to stop. A thought came to her. Instead of dying, how about you live and see what life has to offer?

That changed her mindset in a moment. Her life did not change in a moment. She still had to go to work and look after her children. What changed was where her energy went. She had never really lived, so she got curious about what living would look like.

If you are in that dark place, Neila's message is simple. Call or message someone you trust. You do not have to tell them what you are thinking. Interrupting the thought makes a huge difference.

Why journaling helps you let go of what you cannot control

Curiosity led Neila to reading, courses and mindfulness. The biggest thing was writing. She calls her journal a brain dump, and she credits journaling with saving her life. When she felt herself spiraling, she wrote down everything in her head and left it on the page. That made room to take in what she was learning.

She tested the practice a year ago when a relationship ended. Years earlier it would have put her on the couch. This time she asked herself one question. Is it within my control? If it is not, she writes it out and lets it go. Then she goes into her heart and says thank you for that lesson.

The steps are worth noticing:

Notice the situation.
Write it out, so it stops looping in your head.
Ask whether it is within your control.
Let go of what is not, and thank it for the lesson.

How acceptance and forgiveness change the way you lead

Neila says her biggest lesson was acceptance. She could not change the past. She had to accept her body, her mind, her failures and everything she went through. "I can't change it, but I can change moving forward."

When she let the mask go at work, people noticed before she said a word. Her face was softer. She smiled more and was more approachable. Colleagues got curious and asked what she was doing. Now when someone is railing at her, she stays quiet and looks at them, and they quiet down too.

She also noticed what her baggage cost her relationships. She came to see that she did not want to live with herself the way she was, so why would anyone else? What we give ourselves shapes what others give back. For an owner, that is worth sitting with. The people around you notice your state long before you name it.

Does this apply if your troubles are not that bad?

Someone will hear Neila's story and decide these tools are not for them. Her answer is clear. You can take any of these tools into your life, whether or not you have ever thought about suicide. We all go through some kind of hardship.

It is also personal. Neila is careful to say each of us is different, and you have to see what works for you. She found her way on her own. Today there are resources she did not have, including the 988 crisis line in North America. Use them. Her path is one example, not a replacement for support.

How to apply this in your business this week

Pick one of Neila's practices and try it for five days.

Keep a brain dump journal. When something is looping, write it all down and leave it there.
When a setback hits, ask one question. Is this within my control?
Each morning, reframe one obligation. Neila swapped I have to go to work for it is a privilege to go to work.
Take a walk outside. She noticed fresh air changed her perspective.
Notice where you are wearing a mask with your team, and what it might cost them to see you take it off.

Your voice matters. So does the voice of the person on your team who has not used theirs yet.