EP 264 – Todd Palmer: Everything Happens For Me, Not To Me
- Govindh Jayaraman
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
In his return to Paper Napkin Wisdom, Todd Palmer—renowned executive coach, keynote speaker, and founder of Extraordinary Advisors—brings with him a powerful reframe that resonates deeply with anyone navigating tough leadership terrain: "Everything happens 4 me, NOT 2 me."
Todd isn’t new to turning adversity into opportunity. As a CEO who once faced near-bankruptcy before rebuilding a multi-million-dollar business, he understands what it means to transform challenges into lessons. Now, as a coach to executives across North America, he teaches others to lead with intention, presence, and a bold sense of ownership.
In this episode, Todd shares how this subtle but significant shift in language—"for me" vs. "to me"—completely reframes how we experience setbacks, overwhelm, and uncertainty. “Today was gonna be a good day,” he says, recalling a long 14-hour stretch he’d scheduled. “I had started my day wearing black, which isn’t exactly a positive color. So I thought, why not wear something that feels like Spring?”
That small action, wearing bright colors, symbolized a larger internal decision to live in alignment with possibility instead of victimhood.
Radical Responsibility in Action
The napkin Todd shared this time wasn’t just inspirational—it was transformational. It spoke to a kind of radical responsibility that leaders must embody if they want to thrive in complexity. “When we choose to believe that life is happening for us, we move from reactive to proactive, from defensive to creative,” Todd explained.
In leadership, this mindset shift isn’t fluffy—it’s functional. It leads to better decision-making, stronger culture, and more consistent results. “The difference between leading from pain and leading from growth is how we interpret our story,” Todd reminds us. “The moment you rewrite that story with intention, everything changes.”
Emotional Agility and Self-Coaching
Todd also discussed how leaders often get stuck when they operate from a reactive mindset. “You’re not your thoughts,” he said. “You’re the thinker of your thoughts.” It’s a powerful distinction—one that supports emotional agility, self-awareness, and the ability to pivot when things don’t go according to plan.
He offered listeners a challenge: When something frustrating happens, ask, “What’s the gift here?” or “What’s this teaching me?”
By turning every circumstance into a classroom, we empower ourselves to keep moving forward, even when the path is unclear.
5 Key Takeaways from Todd Palmer’s Episode:
1. Shift from Victim to Creator
“Everything happens for me, not to me.” 🧭 Take Action: Each time you feel stuck, reframe the situation using this mantra. Write down one thing that’s happening for you—even if it’s uncomfortable.
2. The Power of Micro-Decisions
“I had a 14-hour day. Instead of defaulting to dread, I changed my clothes to change my mindset.” 🧭 Take Action: Start your day with one small choice that sets a positive tone—clothing, music, environment.
3. Reclaim Emotional Ownership
“You are not your thoughts. You’re the thinker of your thoughts.” 🧭 Take Action: Practice daily check-ins: “What am I thinking right now? Is it helping or hurting me?”
4. Self-Coaching in the Moment
“I ask myself, what is the gift in this?” 🧭 Take Action: Turn every setback into a self-coaching moment. Journal the question: “What’s the lesson here?”
5. Cultivate Present-Minded Leadership
“The past already happened. The future isn’t here. So how can I lead right now?” 🧭 Take Action: Use breathwork, mindfulness, or a morning mantra to stay rooted in the present moment.
Todd Palmer continues to be a beacon for grounded, authentic leadership. His work is a reminder that when we choose to believe life is happening for us—not to us—we access our deepest clarity and creativity.
👉 What’s one challenge in your life or leadership that you could reframe today?
Write your takeaway on a napkin and share it with #PaperNapkinWisdom.
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