EP 342 - Leadership Confidence: The State You Can’t Fake – Edge of the Napkin (Magnetic Growth Aura Series)

Govindh Jayaraman - Paper Napkin Wisdom - Confidence: Focus – Align – Act

There’s a version of confidence that gets applause. 

And then there’s the real thing. 

In Episode 342 of Paper Napkin Wisdom — an Edge of the Napkin solo episode and part of the ongoing Magnetic Growth Aura series — I unpack something that most leaders misunderstand: 

Confidence isn’t volume. It isn’t dominance. It isn’t performance. 

It’s a state of being. 

And the difference between those two? That difference determines whether you build followers… or you build leaders. 

The Confidence Most Leaders Were Taught 

Let’s be honest. 

Most of us were trained to believe confidence looks like: 

• Speaking first 

• Speaking loud 

• Having the answer 

• Moving fast 

• Fixing problems 

• Being indispensable 

And if we’re really honest? 

A lot of high performers learned that confidence means being the hero. 

Rescuing the team. Carrying the load. Staying late. Doing more than anyone else. 

That feels powerful. 

It also quietly trains your organization to depend on you. 

And dependence is not leadership. 

That’s ego disguised as excellence. 

The Magnetic Growth Aura: Why Confidence Doesn’t Stand Alone 

In the Magnetic Growth Aura framework, confidence is just one pillar. 

The four are: 

• Confidence 

• Congruence 

• Calm 

• Contribution 

Confidence without congruence becomes arrogance. Confidence without calm becomes volatility. Confidence without contribution becomes ego. 

Real confidence is stabilized by alignment and expressed through service. 

When those four pillars work together, something interesting happens: 

People feel safe around you. 

They don’t feel managed. They don’t feel dominated. They don’t feel rescued. 

They feel developed. 

That’s magnetic leadership. 

What Real Confidence Looks Like in Leadership 

Let’s make this practical. 

It Doesn’t Rush to Fix 

A confident leader doesn’t grab the pen mid-sentence. 

They don’t interrupt. They don’t rewrite every email. They don’t take over because they “can do it faster.” 

They sit. They listen. They ask one question. 

That restraint takes strength. 

Rescuing feels productive — but it steals capacity. 

Confidence says: “I trust you enough to let you grow.” 

It Doesn’t Overperform 

Let’s define overperformance. 

Overperformance is exceeding what’s required — not because excellence demands it, but because your identity depends on it. 

It’s staying late to be seen. Volunteering for everything. Giving 120% because 100% doesn’t feel safe. 

When leaders overperform, teams underperform. 

Because they assume you’ll carry it anyway. 

Confidence does what’s required — fully, cleanly, powerfully — and then stops. 

It leaves oxygen in the room. 

It Gives Right-Timed Feedback 

Confidence doesn’t avoid hard conversations. 

But it also doesn’t weaponize them. 

It doesn’t humiliate publicly. It doesn’t vent. It doesn’t assert dominance through correction. 

It chooses timing. It chooses tone. It chooses one-to-one. 

It says: 

“I see you. I believe in you. And here’s something that will help you expand.” 

That’s contribution. 

That’s calm. 

That’s congruence. 

That’s confidence. 

What Confidence Looks Like When Supporting Other Leaders 

This is where most senior leaders get exposed. 

When someone else leads in the room, what happens inside you? 

Do you compete? Do you subtly undermine? Do you steal the final word? 

Or do you amplify? 

A confident leader publicly says: 

“That was her call.” “That was his vision.” “That was their execution.” 

And means it. 

Insecure leadership protects position. 

Confident leadership multiplies leaders. 

That’s the shift from scale to impact. 

Where Confidence Actually Starts 

Confidence doesn’t start with posture. 

It doesn’t start with affirmations. 

It doesn’t start with louder speech. 

It starts with the activation framework: 

Focus – Align – Act 

Focus: Know Who You Are 

Confidence begins with clarity. 

If you don’t know what you want, you’ll borrow expectations from everyone else. 

Titles. Roles. Approval. External validation. 

In Episode 341, my conversation with Dandapani explored knowing your purpose independent of your role. 

Not: “I’m a CEO.” “I’m a parent.” “I’m a spouse.” 

But: “Who am I independent of what I do for others?” 

Without clarity, you perform. 

With clarity, you stand. 

Align: Mental Hygiene & Self-Acceptance 

Alignment is internal congruence. 

It’s cleaning the lens. 

It’s where you combine two powerful ideas: 

Fred Rogers: “I like you just the way you are.” 

And John Candy’s line: “I like me. I really like me.” 

Confidence is not obsessive self-improvement. 

It’s self-acceptance with direction. 

You don’t build confidence by endlessly fixing yourself. 

You build confidence by accepting who you are — and choosing growth consciously. 

Alignment means: 

• Cleaning up self-talk 

• Interrupting negative loops 

• Ending comparison 

• Stopping apology-for-existing energy 

When the inner critic loses authority, confidence grows. 

Act: Daily, Relentless Action 

You cannot think your way into confidence. 

You behave your way into it. 

Small actions. Consistent actions. Aligned actions. 

Speak when it’s uncomfortable. Set a boundary. Give feedback. Ship the work. Have the conversation. 

Action compounds identity. 

Identity becomes state. 

State becomes confidence. 

Confidence Is a State — Not a Strategy 

Here’s the deeper layer. 

Confidence is not something you “have.” 

It’s something you are. 

And because it’s a state of being: 

There’s no cheat day. 

No day off from being who you really are. 

You either live aligned — or you perform survival. 

Confidence is belief in who you are. 

Reinforced by daily congruent action. 

5 Key Takeaways (With Take Action Steps) 

1. Confidence Is a State, Not a Performance 

Take Action: Identify one place where you’re “wearing a cape.” Remove it this week. Let someone else carry it. 

2. Overperformance Undermines Growth 

Take Action: Resist rescuing once this week. Let someone struggle — with support. 

3. Focus Creates Identity Stability 

Take Action: Write down who you are independent of your roles. What do you stand for? 

4. Alignment Requires Mental Hygiene 

Take Action: Catch one negative internal loop and replace it with a grounded truth. 

5. Action Builds Identity 

Take Action: Take one aligned action today your future self would respect. 

The Napkin 

If I drew this on a napkin, it would look like this: 

CONFIDENCE in the center. 

Feeding it: FOCUS → ALIGN → ACT 

Surrounding it: Congruence Calm Contribution 

Underneath it: “State. Not performance.” 

The Real Question 

Where in your leadership are you still performing confidence… instead of living it? 

Where are you rescuing instead of developing? 

Where are you overperforming instead of empowering? 

Confidence isn’t about being indispensable. 

It’s about building leaders who don’t need you to rescue them. 

And when you stop proving… And start building… 

Everything changes. 

If this episode resonated, share it with someone who’s ready to move from ego-driven leadership to magnetic leadership. 

And here’s your challenge: 

Write your takeaway on a napkin. Post it. Share it. Tag it with #PaperNapkinWisdom 

Because small ideas — lived consistently — change everything. 

One napkin. One idea. One shift.