EP 329 - Help Me See What You See - With Susan Asiyanbi Founder and CEO Olori Network
- Govindh Jayaraman
- 2 hours ago
- 5 min read
Help Me See What You See - With Susan Asiyanbi Founder and CEO Olori Network
Introduction: Seeing Beyond What We See
Susan Asiyanbi is one of only two guests in the history of Paper Napkin Wisdom to draw eyes on a napkin.
Not symbols. Not words alone. Eyes — complete with lashes — and a simple phrase beneath them:
“Help me see what you see.”
At first glance, it feels poetic. But as this conversation unfolds, you realize it’s not poetic at all.
It’s practical. It’s disciplined. And it may be one of the most underutilized leadership skills in modern organizations — and in our personal lives.
Susan’s work lives at the intersection of leadership, learning, and human systems. And in this conversation, she offers a deceptively simple idea that carries enormous weight:
Your perspective is true — and incomplete.
That sentence alone could sit on a napkin and change how meetings are run, how families navigate hard seasons, and how leaders unlock innovation, alignment, and trust.
What follows is not a theory-heavy conversation. It’s a grounded exploration of how curiosity — real curiosity — becomes the gateway to better leadership, stronger relationships, and faster, more sustainable results.
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The Core Idea: Perspective Is True and Incomplete
One of the most powerful moments in the conversation comes early, when Susan names something many leaders feel but rarely articulate:
“I just think it’s critical to frame and see the world in a way where you know that your perspective is true — and also incomplete.”
That framing does two things at once.
First, it honors experience. Your view matters. It’s informed by what you’ve lived, seen, and learned.
Second, it creates humility. No matter how senior you are, no matter how experienced, you are missing something.
And the missing pieces don’t live in data dashboards alone. They live in other people.
This is where leadership either contracts… or expands.
Curiosity Is Not a Soft Skill — It’s a Sophisticated One
Susan pushes back hard on the idea that curiosity and listening are “soft skills.”
She reframes them as sophisticated skills — the hardest ones to master.
Why?
Because our brains are wired to respond, defend, and conclude quickly. The moment someone says, “I see it differently,” our nervous system is already preparing a counterargument.
Susan offers a disciplined alternative:
Ask seven questions.
Not to stall. Not to perform curiosity. But to interrupt the brain’s rush to certainty.
She explains that leaders who claim they “don’t have time” for this work are already paying a much higher price — in rework, misalignment, fractured relationships, and emotional repair.
Slow down now, or pay for it later — with interest.
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When Words Become Shortcuts (and Create Misalignment)
One of the most practical insights in the episode is how teams often use the same words — but mean entirely different things.
Strategy. Innovation. Culture. Acceleration.
Susan shares an example of an executive team all agreeing they had a “strategy problem,” only to discover:
One leader meant product-market misalignment
Another meant execution breakdown
Another meant culture and retention
Same word. Three different action paths. Zero shared understanding.
This is how organizations burn time and energy without realizing it.
Curiosity slows the conversation just enough to ask:
“When you say that word — what does it mean to you?”
That single question can save months of misdirected effort.
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The Personal Mirror: When Assumptions Hurt the Most
One of the most human moments in the conversation comes when Susan shares a deeply personal story about navigating grief with her siblings after the loss of their father.
They all agreed on one thing:
“We want to love and support our mom.”
And yet — chaos followed.
Why?
Because each sibling held a different definition of what “support” meant:
Being physically together
Honoring her wishes
Planning for long-term care
No one asked the seven questions. Everyone assumed alignment.
This is the paradox Susan names beautifully:
We take the greatest shortcuts with the people we love the most.
And those shortcuts cost us understanding.
The napkin phrase becomes personal here:
Help me see what you see — especially when I think I already know.
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The Currency of Challenge Is Connection
A subtle but powerful theme emerges as the conversation deepens:
Once someone feels understood, challenge becomes possible.
Susan calls understanding the currency for challenge and change.
When people know you’ve truly seen their perspective:
They become open to alternatives
They’re willing to stretch
They engage instead of defend
Curiosity doesn’t weaken leadership. It legitimizes it.
And over time, organizations that practice this build something rare:
Energy without drama
Rigor without fear
Speed without burnout
5 Key Takeaways (with Take Action)
1. Your Perspective Is Valid — and Incomplete
Take Action: Before asserting your view in a meeting this week, say out loud: “This is how I’m seeing it — and I know I’m missing something.” Then invite others to fill the gaps.
2. Curiosity Requires Discipline, Not Just Good Intentions
Take Action: In your next difficult conversation, commit to seven curiosity-based questions before offering an opinion. Notice what changes.
3. Shared Words Do Not Equal Shared Meaning
Take Action: When your team uses a big word (strategy, innovation, alignment), pause and ask: “What does that word mean to you in practice?”
4. Understanding Comes Before Agreement
Take Action: After listening, reflect back what you heard and ask: “Did I get that right — or am I missing something?” Don’t move forward until the answer is yes.
5. Frustration Is a Signal to Get Curious
Take Action: The next time you feel irritated or stuck with someone, treat it as a cue — not a conclusion. Replace judgment with one curious question.
Closing Reflection
The napkin Susan left us with isn’t about seeing more clearly.
It’s about seeing together.
In a world that rewards speed, certainty, and confidence, this episode offers a different kind of strength:
Slowing the mind
Opening the lens
Letting others help us see what we cannot see alone
If leadership is about expanding what’s possible — this may be one of the most important starting points.
So the next time you feel sure…
Pause. Look again. And ask:
“Help me see what you see.”
About the Guest
Susan Asiyanbi is a leadership advisor and organizational expert focused on helping leaders and teams navigate complexity, difference, and growth through learning, curiosity, and disciplined conversation. Her work centers on building systems where people can think together more clearly and lead together more effectively.
linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susan-asiyanbi/ website: https://www.olorinetwork.com
One idea. One napkin. One shift. If this resonated with you, jot your takeaway on a napkin and share it with #PaperNapkinWisdom.
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